Deepest darkness

Alright, so some people that read this might be friends with me on facebook, and I want to clear something up. I had said, "sometimes gets jealous of all the girls who are expecting".

Brenton and I are not trying to have a baby. In fact we are trying our best to not get pregnant right now. It's not our time and I'm happy with this decision. We have so many things to work out yet. We're still in our first year of marriage and we want to have this alone time to get to know eac

h other deeper. We also want to get some things sorted before we start a family. (Like purchasing a home and such). We also want to travel and have some fun you just can't do with a child as freely as you can do without a child. Also I just started a new career and I want to develop some experience before I'd have to take maternity leave. So as you can see we have a lot of things we WANT to do before we get pregnant.

However, with all this said, I still get a wee bit jealous. I'm still a girl after all and a girl approaching the age of 30, so my clock is a tickin'. I know this. I am so happy for all my pregnant friends and I rejoice in their celebration with them. A little piece of me still aches when I see another friend post that she is expecting. It's like a mini-stab to

my baby fever. I think that it will NEVER be my turn to be the one to call out from the rooftops that I have a wee one inside, but at the same time I know it's just not in our plans and some day it will. Does this make any sense at a

ll? I hate the jealous part of me. It makes me awkward to be around myself. Because it's like two people fighting inside of me. I have the woe is me and then the get over it, you have other plans. And the Be happy for them celebrate li

fe with them, but my other side being pouty. It's so confusing.

So there you have it, my thoughts and dark side to your exposure. Take a picture if you wish, but it's ugly

Michelle.

P.S. I am sooo happy with life right

now, I love my husband, I love my job, I love my life

This is Brenton and I in front of the tree of life at Disney World, Animal Kingdom