As I sit inside and look out the window I see my neighbour so proudly marching across his lawn as he sets up his Halloween decorations. A huge smile smeared across his face. My heart is heavy today. This past week has brought several pieces of bad news but last nights news came out of nowhere and I am incredibly sad. Our cousin's boyfriend passed away yesterday in a work related accident. That's about all we know. It's incredibly hard to process and I am just plain old sad.
Also an update on my other cousin's little guy. Apparently his lungs are starting to adapt to his failing heart which is bad news when it comes to a new heart. I pray that his lungs don't adapt because if they do a new heart will not work for him because of the pressure it would have behind it. It's an incredibly hard prayer to pray but I still pray for a new heart for Miles. Here is a link to his facebook group if you feel inclined to support emotionally/financially to this amazing family. https://www.facebook.com/groups/154631931368209/
Another set of bad news is that my friends' parents are most likely going to be getting divorced. It's not been said out loud yet but apparently it's coming. This said friend is the same age I was when my parents were going through their stuff so I really relate to her and I know how hard it is to watch your parents go through that and the confusion it brings on.
I know this is not a very uplifting post. I wish it was. There is a lot of good going on at the same time, but I feel it's important to acknowledge and process and feel the bad. It all doesn't make sense right now. I sometimes wonder, where is God in all this? But I know he's here and he sees and he knows and he has a big picture laid out in front of him. Last year I lost a good friend in a motorcycle accident and it was something her husband said that made me smile, he said he had a dream about her and when he asked her "Does it make sense, is there a reason for this" she said, "yes, it makes sense, there's a reason for it, I don't remember why right now but know it is for the best." Dreams are powerful.
I wish I had something insightful to say, something to ease the pain for the people who surround me. It breaks my heart to see people broken. Dagnabit, here come the tears again. Next time, a happy update, I promise.
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Monday, October 07, 2013
Momma Guilt
So today Kiwi decided not to have a nap. This made him so over tired. He was a little rascal getting into everything, and I mean EVERYTHING. He was pulling DVD's out of the cupboard and not only that but opening the case and pulling the actual dvd out of the case. Ahh! He was going into the hall closet and showed me all the things that I need to put onto a higher shelf (that will be tomorrow's job). He climbed into the dishwasher as I was unloading it and started to pull out the dirty dishes and lick them as I loaded it with tonights dinner dishes.
I tried getting him to stay up until his normal bedtime but by the time 6:30 came he was already starting to unravel. He normally goes to bed around 8 or 8:30. Tonight as I rocked him to sleep he was all over the place, talking about the animals on the wall, getting distracted by the light in the hallway, to talking about the excercise ball. I figured out that he wanted me to bounce him on the ball. (This is his favourite way to be rocked to sleep). I have to honestly say my patience level had dwindled and I was tired and I was grumpy and I felt incredibly guilty because I was incredibly frustrated. Then I started singing. I sang whatever came to my mind, I sang how I wished he would just snuggle in and go to sleep. And I kid you not, it wasn't even a minute and he was asleep. I continued to sing and bounce and rock for another 10 minutes because I wanted to make sure he was good and down. Whew, as I walked out of his room I looked at the clock, 7:15 on the dot. I was shocked. I decided to come downstairs for some downtime. About 20 minutes later, he's crying. So I drag myself back upstairs and rock and sing for another 10 minutes. He just needed a cuddle, who knows what woke him. I come back downstairs, this time with a hot chocolate in hand. I settle in and start to watch "Modern Family" 15 minutes goes by and he starts to cry again. This time I wait, it sounds like the "turning over" cry. It was and he promptly soothes himself back to sleep. I sigh a sigh of relief. Another 20 minutes goes by and he's suddenly crying like crazy. I realize the answering machine is going off. Someone has phoned and I missed answering it and it woke him up. Grr.
I think it was just a long day and then B went out for the evening, which was totally ok because it was a special thing to go to and he was super pumped about it. I am just tired and I feel guilty for being frustrated and tired. I know it's motherhood and I love being a mom. Not for a moment would I change that. I had a day of frustration and I think that's normal?
We had such a fun day, it was just the later afternoon into the evening that took a turn. Hopefully tomorrow we go back to our normal schedule.
Till next time
Michelle
I tried getting him to stay up until his normal bedtime but by the time 6:30 came he was already starting to unravel. He normally goes to bed around 8 or 8:30. Tonight as I rocked him to sleep he was all over the place, talking about the animals on the wall, getting distracted by the light in the hallway, to talking about the excercise ball. I figured out that he wanted me to bounce him on the ball. (This is his favourite way to be rocked to sleep). I have to honestly say my patience level had dwindled and I was tired and I was grumpy and I felt incredibly guilty because I was incredibly frustrated. Then I started singing. I sang whatever came to my mind, I sang how I wished he would just snuggle in and go to sleep. And I kid you not, it wasn't even a minute and he was asleep. I continued to sing and bounce and rock for another 10 minutes because I wanted to make sure he was good and down. Whew, as I walked out of his room I looked at the clock, 7:15 on the dot. I was shocked. I decided to come downstairs for some downtime. About 20 minutes later, he's crying. So I drag myself back upstairs and rock and sing for another 10 minutes. He just needed a cuddle, who knows what woke him. I come back downstairs, this time with a hot chocolate in hand. I settle in and start to watch "Modern Family" 15 minutes goes by and he starts to cry again. This time I wait, it sounds like the "turning over" cry. It was and he promptly soothes himself back to sleep. I sigh a sigh of relief. Another 20 minutes goes by and he's suddenly crying like crazy. I realize the answering machine is going off. Someone has phoned and I missed answering it and it woke him up. Grr.
I think it was just a long day and then B went out for the evening, which was totally ok because it was a special thing to go to and he was super pumped about it. I am just tired and I feel guilty for being frustrated and tired. I know it's motherhood and I love being a mom. Not for a moment would I change that. I had a day of frustration and I think that's normal?
We had such a fun day, it was just the later afternoon into the evening that took a turn. Hopefully tomorrow we go back to our normal schedule.
Till next time
Michelle
Funny Little Lad
Kiwi is having a hilarious day! H I L A R I O U S! (My sister will appreciate that). First thing this morning as I was doing my hair he came up to me and said, "Bum" and pointed to his diaper. He's been doing this for about 2 weeks now letting me know when he's gone and needs to be changed. I said ok I'll be there in just a moment I just need to clip my hair clip. I guess I wasn't fast enough because in that time he had gone to his room, pulled out a new diaper (out of the box) and brought it back to me.
After changing him I went back to my room to finish getting ready for the day. He had gone into the closet which is normal for him and I didn't think much of it. B called me over to the closet and said, "I think he's gone to Narnia". I came over to see and he was behind the clothes and you could see where he was only by the movement of the clothing. Then all of a sudden the movement stopped and out peaked kiwi and he gave a big smile and said, "Hi!" Both B and I laughed and as we did Kiwi raised his one shoulder to his cheek and gave a shy scrunchy smile. Again B and I laughed. He's such a character.
A little later in the morning I told Kiwi that it was time to go grocery shopping. I bent down to get our grocery bags out of the cupboard and when I stood up there was Kiwi pressed up against the hallway wall. Both his arms were stretched out as far as they could go in opposite directions and he was sliding/side stepping down the hallway as if he were trying to sneak away. I just laughed. What a nut!
While we were grocery shopping Kiwi decided to express himself in loud growling noises. Instead of discouraging this I encouraged it and played along. As we were approaching the cheese section an older gentleman started to laugh. I told him that I wasn't going to discourage it and he said, why would you, he's happy. :) We ran into a long time family friend while we were there, we chatted for a bit. I continued to run into her several more times during our shopping trip. The last time we ran into each other right by the bakery. Kiwi was zoned into the bakers corner. He knows that at the end of our shopping trip we stop there and he gets a cookie. He would not break his stare for anything. Then he started to make the sign for cookie and away we went.
When we got home I put the box of baby wipes by the table and went to unload the groceries. When I was done I walked over and there was Kiwi, standing on top of the wipes box with a measuring tape. It kind of shocked me. So what did I do? I didn't take him off right away, instead I grabbed my phone and took a picture of the little monkey.
Now the little turkey is refusing to have a nap, so tonight might just be an early bed time for my wee lad.
After changing him I went back to my room to finish getting ready for the day. He had gone into the closet which is normal for him and I didn't think much of it. B called me over to the closet and said, "I think he's gone to Narnia". I came over to see and he was behind the clothes and you could see where he was only by the movement of the clothing. Then all of a sudden the movement stopped and out peaked kiwi and he gave a big smile and said, "Hi!" Both B and I laughed and as we did Kiwi raised his one shoulder to his cheek and gave a shy scrunchy smile. Again B and I laughed. He's such a character.
A little later in the morning I told Kiwi that it was time to go grocery shopping. I bent down to get our grocery bags out of the cupboard and when I stood up there was Kiwi pressed up against the hallway wall. Both his arms were stretched out as far as they could go in opposite directions and he was sliding/side stepping down the hallway as if he were trying to sneak away. I just laughed. What a nut!
While we were grocery shopping Kiwi decided to express himself in loud growling noises. Instead of discouraging this I encouraged it and played along. As we were approaching the cheese section an older gentleman started to laugh. I told him that I wasn't going to discourage it and he said, why would you, he's happy. :) We ran into a long time family friend while we were there, we chatted for a bit. I continued to run into her several more times during our shopping trip. The last time we ran into each other right by the bakery. Kiwi was zoned into the bakers corner. He knows that at the end of our shopping trip we stop there and he gets a cookie. He would not break his stare for anything. Then he started to make the sign for cookie and away we went.
When we got home I put the box of baby wipes by the table and went to unload the groceries. When I was done I walked over and there was Kiwi, standing on top of the wipes box with a measuring tape. It kind of shocked me. So what did I do? I didn't take him off right away, instead I grabbed my phone and took a picture of the little monkey.
Now the little turkey is refusing to have a nap, so tonight might just be an early bed time for my wee lad.
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