Tonight B and I went out for dinner since he was going to be going to his live launch (which usually goes to the early hours of the morning). So he made some time for some wife time before he had to go back. He asked me where I would like to go. Anywhere was the option. I picked ABC Restaurant. He was like, seriously? There again? He thinks I'm an 80 year old trapped in a 30 year old body. What can I say I love the Thai Chicken salad. It's so incredibly yummy! When we got there, however, my hormones took over for the first time regarding food and weirdness. I ordered the Thai Chicken salad, with a side of mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce. The server looked at me like I was a nut bar but made my desire come true. When she brought it out I mixed the cranberry sauce into the mashed potatoes and had my first weird pregnancy combination. It was delicious!!!! My salad was equally as good. After dinner was over we went across the parking lot and got some starbucks (I still have my free gift cards for there for using "swagbucks"). It was a lovely evening.
Than I drove B back to work and headed home. As I got home my energy level quickly faded. It was after 7 after all. And now I'm very much ready for bed and it's 8:30. So pathetic. I'm looking forward to the energy burst the second trimester is suppose to bring on.
Today I was looking back at our journey and I felt pain for my February self. However I felt hope for that self as well. At that point in time I was just going through a miscarriage (Feb 17, 2011). I was 5 weeks along. It wasn't until August 2011, that I ovulated for the first time since January with the help of Clomid and Metformin. Not only was I in a state of mind that was so lonely and confused and angry and sad for 7 months, but I wasn't even to be a part of the "game". It's one thing to not become pregnant month after month, another to not even have the chance because your body won't release the egg and just stores it. My body has a hoarding problem! But thank God he created smart scientists and lead them to help people in my situation. I am so thankful that some people have the calling to help those who are baron. I found hope in Hannah's story (1 Samuel 1). I prayed a lot, but still struggled with my earthly emotional self. I am so thankful that I am now 3 months along. I still find myself doubting that it's real. I went for an ultrasound yesterday and saw the baby moving around, jumping and rolling over. I love the pictures (there's one where it looks like baby is giving a fist pump!). At the same time I was shocked, "It's really in there?" Was one of the things that crossed my mind and possibly my mouth. It's so weird. I will not take advantage of this time. It's a miracle and I am so excited and scared and I can't believe God is entrusting us with this little soul to nurture and help grow into a man/woman in his image. I guess I'm a bit emotional and I am so taken back that it's real. We will be having a baby in 6 and a half months (give or take a few weeks ;) ). I am thankful that I already knew about my pregnancy when mid-October came (when February baby would have been due). That time of the year still hurt but I was able to get through it a lot better than I had imagined. This baby doesn't replace the one we lost. But he/she does give us a new outlook of hope.
I think I'm just rambling now.
Until next time,
Michelle
No comments:
Post a Comment