Rambling on

Happy Saturday. I am feeling good today. Yesterday was an emotional day again...but today I'm feeling good and I'm going to focus on that. B and I went for coffee with B's mom this morning. It was fun. Than B's mom and I went for a good hearty walk. I really enjoyed it. I really liked that I was able to take my jacket off and not feel cold. It's beautiful outside!

Last night was a rough one for sleep. I've slept 24 hours in the last 48. I don't know why I'm so tired but I am. (And no, I'm not pregnant). And last night I woke up several times because, a)getting punched in the nose -(not on purpose) and b) nightmares and weird dreams. One of the nightmares was very scary and I think it's cause I watched an episode of criminal minds right before bed. Then I had another nightmare that when I went to the doctor to get the results from a very painful test I took, she came in the room and asked me if I was ready to do it again. I woke up almost crying at that point. So I guess those are the things that are on my mind. Crazy and scary.

But other than that this week was a good one. I was sooo happy to go back to work. (I had been off work for a week due to some health issues). It was a great week. It ended on a great note. I am looking forward to next week. I like structure and schedule. It's a good feeling.

Today I am celebrating life in general. Not new life. Just life. I love my hubby and I am really enjoying our new house. I am loving the yard that we have to take care of. And all the possibilities that come with it. I am really excited for the blooms to start revealing themselves. Last fall I planted 72 bulbs and I think it's going to make our front yard pretty. (It's seriously so ugly right now). I am excited for spring to come so I can do some more planting. But I'm too scared to do it yet because there might be another snowfall or two and I don't want to be too eager to get it going, only to have to do it again. I think I am going to do a little outside work today though, because it's soooo nice outside today.

I'm also feeling inspired to go outside and take some pictures. I just have to find something worthy of taking pictures of. I think I see one thing I want to take a picture of...but that's only like 5 pictures worth. Maybe once I get started it will come easily to what else I can capture. I do know I have two rose bushes to cut down. I guess I should get started on that.

Until next time.

Rambling on.....

Michelle

February closing

Wow, this week was brutal. But I'm not going to get into the nitty gritty of everything. If you're close enough to me in real life, not internet life, than you most likely already know what's been going on. I just don't feel that it's appropriate to talk about on my blog, therefore just know that I was really struggling this week and I have come out on the other side. I'm still alive, and stronger. I for sure have my ups and downs and in the last couple of days it's been more on the up. I'm not robbing myself of the down time but I am also not just going to stay there because that's just not a healthy place to be in all the time. I am looking on the brighter side of things now and ready to move forward. I think a wee bit of my optimistic attitude was taken away and now I see things through a reality lens. But maybe that's what I needed. I don't know why. I just know it is. Hopefully now my blog can return to the upbeat nature that it once was. No more of these dark moments. But I guess without the darkness we wouldn't be able to appreciate the light. I don't know what I'm talking about any more...time to say goodnight.

Good night,

Michelle

Is it next week yet?

What a weekend. I call it my very own personal roller coaster. Except I like roller coasters and this was not a fun weekend so I really should give it a different visual. Anyways. Again I don't know how much I want to divulge. It's an internal battle. My emotions get all crazy and then my rational takes over and I come to terms with what is going on and then I get sucked back in by my emotions. It's a crazy non-fun cycle. Seriously though I can see things getting better it's just going to take some time. Some processing and some real understanding.

This is our journey and this chapter is over. I think in this chapter of our book there was a lot of character growth, plot and setting. It's a big chapter. Hopefully when looking back it won't be the longest.

Wow, this post doesn't make any sense. Sorry. Welcome to my head today.

Happy Monday.

Really looking forward to spring.

Time

Wow. I don't even know where to start or to start at all. I am just going to say that I may not update for a little while because I need time. I am just going to leave it like that for now. Sorry for the vagueness. I just don't know how much I want to share if at all. Lets just say I'm on an emotional rollercoaster and I would really like to get off. I thank all my friends and family at this time for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers and I will get back to blogging in, hopefully, a few short days. Until than, I wish you all the happiness in your up coming week. Enjoy the sunshine because isn't it so nice. Spring is in the air.

• Happy thought: Looking forward to spring so I can start gardening in my very own garden =)

Wah Wah Waaaaah (Debbie Downer music)

Yay it's Friday! I am happy for the weekend. My plan is to sleep. That is all. Just sleep. Huge ambition right?

Today I am going to work late. My first session was cancelled due to illness of my client. So I thought, awesome I can sleep in. Nope, my body was up and ready to go when it normally is. Talk about annoying. And Aunt flo showed up..well sort of..but it showed up the way it shows up for me and that is annoying too. I guess I'm just over all annoyed today.

On a positive note...(wow it's taking me a while to come up with one). I want to end on a happy note because I don't want to be a debbie downer...but maybe I'll come back later and update with something more happy. Sorry.

Michelle

S.A.D. (Single Awareness Day)

Hello. Last week I didn't update at all. Sorry about that. I have an excuse though. I had the flu and took a long time to recover from it. Even by Friday I was still feeling woozy. But now I am feeling much better, however my time of the month is on it's way and that comes with some minimal pain. I just hope it comes soon so it can be over. Wow, that was a lot of personal info right off the bat. Welcome to my head! I'm such an open book sometimes.

Today is Valentines day. I want to be sensitive to my friends and family that are in a crossroads or are single so I don't want to shout it in their face that I'm blissfully in love. (Which I am). I would much rather be quiet because I remember being in that place and wishing oh so ever wishing for my turn to be in love. I hated the comments, "it will be your turn soon", "He's out there, he's just not ready for you yet". I still hate these types of comments. So cliche and they don't make you feel any better. I do however, understand that it's not maliciousness behind it. The people mean well, they have most likely been in that position before. I remember being 27 and hearing that and wondering maybe I'm just not meant for anyone. So do you know what I did? I went on a trip, I picked up some hobbies and I tried new things. I didn't take myself seriously and I enjoyed life. I tried not to obsess about it, even though some days this was just not possible. I love the thought of love.

Anyways, this is why I don't like shouting it in my facebook status. I feel somewhat put off by all the lovey dovey inconsiderate to their single friends status'. Does this make sense to anyone else? Man, maybe I'm just overly sensitive. I have the type of personality that I would rather put my own happiness on the back burner in order to not offend someone else. This drives B insane at times because during a discussion I will take my sweet time before I say something. Only because I'm ever so carefully deciding on wording in order to not be offensive. I think this is why people find me to be so quiet at first...I'm not I'll have you know...I was voted loudest girl on campus at college.....but I am diligent in my phrasing.

Wow, that post went in a totally different direction than I was expecting. All that to say, Happy Friendship Day. All my beautiful friends I love you all!

Aaarr Ye may enter at yer own risk

Good evening. An evening post, I know, what's up with that? It's a Friday evening to boot. Well, I'm procrastinating. We are having some people over tomorrow evening and I have a lot to do but instead I thought I would use my time wisely and update my blog. Mwahahaha! I am happy that it's the weekend. My voice started wavering yesterday and I went to bed with a nasty headache. You know it's bad when I wouldn't let B turn the music on in the car (I love my tunes)! Then this morning I woke up with that same headache, however it had died down a wee bit. I decided to pump myself full of drugs. I was determined to finish off the week! It wasn't until I went to tell B that it was time to get up that I realized my voice sounded as someone had grated it through a meat grinder. Well, dead frog or not, I was going to work and I'm so glad I did! I had such a great day! I was able to witness a break through and end with some buried treasure (we had a pirate them play group). Such a fun day!

Now I am prepping my brain to get into the baking mode, I figure do some baking tonight and then tomorrow do the cleaning so it's all pretty for some friends and family to come over. I am just trying to figure out what I want to bake for the get together....hmm...I guess I could make one of all my favourites and then freeze half of each thing (I love that we have a deep freezer now). This was one of my favourite things of getting our house, now we have room for one. I have wanted one since we got married because when I do baking I like to freeze some so I always have something on hand for when we have company, however, because we didn't have one I always had to do baking for each guest that we had...which I don't mind at all but it's a luxury of relaxation (I'm lazy) that I now have. Woot! (How dare you tell me that "woot" is spelled wrong spell check!) - (A little irrational burst of anger towards spell check).

I am excited to decorate some more cupcakes though!!! I love doing that. Just a way to get my brain to relax and my creative icing powers to get enhanced. I just had a cup of tea (remember my voice) and it's such a relaxing tea. If you are a tea drinker I recommend the "Creamy Nut Oolong" tea. So yummy. I've probably said that already once or twice...but that's just how much I enjoy it.

Wow, tiredness just hit me hard as I wrote that last sentence. I guess that's my cue to shut up and go bake...maybe I should run around the neighbourhood once to get the blood a flowin'.

Nah!

Until next time

Love Michelle

(did you catch that you got some Michelle love =) )