This has been a challenging week. The two little guys I take care of 3 times a week had last week off. Coming back has proven to be hard to transition back. Not only has it been hard for them to come back (different set of rules than at home) but they have had extra long days here. Instead of 7 hours they have been here 9 hours because the father's work schedule had gotten switched for this week. On Tuesday the 3.5 year old had a 40 minute melt down. 40 minutes!!!! Insane! The beginning thing was when I told him that the trains were closed for 5 minutes because they were fighting over the trains and not sharing, so they could go and find something else to play for 5 minutes. I then had to go to the loo because well that just seems to be my life these days, and when I came out of the washroom he was peeling the decals off the wall and crumpling them. I told him it's ok to be mad but it's not ok to wreck things or break things when we're mad and that now he had to have a time out for wrecking things. So he had his 3 minute time out. As soon as it was done I went over and talked to him, that's when the water works started and they didn't stop. After I was done talking with him (him still crying) I said once you're calm you can get off the chair and go play. I told him this several times. You know you have a choice, you can sit here and cry or you can go and play. It was time for a snack and I asked him if he was going to come upstairs for a snack or sit and cry? He chose to cry. I was like, really?!!? What am I missing here?? I figured that by this time he was just exhausted and done (it was 4pm and they usually go home at 3:30). Finally he stopped after 40 mins of bone chilling, eyes turning in towards my nose shrill crying. (It sounded as though someone was torturing the child yet no one was near him).
The next time they came, Thursday when they arrived he was already in hysterics because he had been trying to convince his mom to take him to the pet store to see the snakes. When she failed to meet his request (because she had to go to work) he became hysterical. And not only that but he was coming to my house (The house of rules!!!) (Seriously I don't have that many rules, we have to share, we have to take turns, no hitting, no kicking, no throwing - that's it!) So he sat on the stairs and cried, and cried, and cried. B had worked late the night before so he was still sleeping and when I came into the room to grab a pair of socks he asked what I was doing to the kid. I told him, nothing, he wants to go to the pet store. B was irritated to say the least. (This kids cry is not fun to listen to even through two closed doors!) After the little ones were done their breakfast (oh yeah did I mention that they came unfed but with breakfast in a bag) we headed down stairs. I told him he had to join us because we are a group and we have to stick together. We went into the back toy room and he continued to sit and pout for another hour and a half. Total of 2 hours from the time he arrived to the time he started playing. We went upstairs for a snack, he did not want to go upstairs so I told him he had 5 seconds to go or I would carry him up. As soon as I said 5 he was up the stairs. As soon as the kid had some food in his belly his entire demeanour changed. He was back to the happy kid I remembered! We played and had a great time. (This was another 9 hour day). By the time 4pm came again he was done. He started to play rough with the toys and I had to ask him to be more gentle or we couldn't play with them any more. He was gentle for about 2 mins and then the roughness came into play once again. I reminded him that we had to be gentle. He growled at me. Now I didn't mention this before, but he had growled at me once before in the day and I had told him that wasn't appropriate behaviour, I didn't appreciate being growled at and that he had words he can use to tell me how he feels. So once he growled at me for the second time I immediately cleaned up our activity and explained to him that growling is not acceptable and it means that our activity is over. The water works began again. I also told him that sitting and crying was not an option and that he needed to go and find something else to play. (This might seem harsh, however I didn't have it in me to take another 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 2 hours of this shrill crying any more). He immediately stopped crying and just stared at me, like can she really tell me I can't cry? Stare. He eventually found something else to play and then his dad arrived 1 hour early (Thank goodness!!!) So the water works began as soon as he saw his dad. I explained to his dad what had been going on and this next part makes my blood boil. He told him that he bought him a new toy and that it was in the car. (Kind of explained the behaviour he's dishing out, bad behaviour rewarded with new toys) I'm going to end that day with that.
Then Friday he arrived again in hysterics. Before I even opened the door I was done. I felt bad for having these feelings but honestly, this is getting ridiculous. I reluctantly opened the door. His mom apologized for this. I told her, we'll get through it. She left. Again B had worked late the night before so he was still sleeping. I explained to him that because Kiwi's dad is still sleeping we can't cry like that today, we have to be quiet. I was surprised but it worked. He stopped crying. I also told him again that sitting and crying was not an option today and that we had a lot of things we could play. I purposefully made the day's activities fun, we went to the park, we played with balloons, we pretty much had a party day. At first he still wanted nothing to do with what we were all doing, but eventually (10 mins) he gave in, we were just having way too much fun to not want to join. The rest of the day went over really great! We had a blast and when their dad came everyone had huge smiles on their faces. Back to normal I thought.
Monday, thinking we had success on Friday and that things were going to be back to normal I was actually looking forward to them coming. Then they pulled up, 10 minutes early. Again the older was in hysterics, seriously what is going on with this kid??? I opened the door, his mom said I am sorry I don't know what this is all about. In order to make him somewhat happy she carried him upstairs. He sat on the couch where she had put him down and cried, once she left he cried for 5 minutes more and then he got up and played. Later, during lunch, I asked him why he was so upset when he comes over. He told me it was because he didn't get to finish watching his show. I asked him, Do you like coming here to play? And he said yes. I told him that I feel sad when he arrives crying because it makes me feel like he doesn't want to come and play. I could see in his face that he understood this. Here's hoping Wednesday's arrival is different. If not I might have to ask his parents if they think we're the right fit for him. I don't want to be traumatizing the child, plus I don't want to take on that stress every day thank you. They also got picked up 15 minutes late. Not a big deal I know, but that is time I had set aside for Kiwi's nap time. Luckily everyone was happy and having so much fun with Kiwi's new kitchen toy.
Here I've just been focusing on the 3.5 year olds behaviour in the last week. The other two have things they need to work on too (such as sharing, grabbing) it's just that the bigger guy's behaviour/attitude has been more to deal with this week that I needed to vent it out. The little brother is very sensitive and when his brother cries he starts to cry and wants to be held. He too has a not so quiet cry. At one point during the week all 3 of them were crying at the same time. I literally stopped and laughed. It was such a gong show! I also want to say this is not how the days usually go, we usually have so much fun that the time just flies by (although I do need to have a nap most days after they go). I am sure my hormones are doing there work in there too with my frustration level at it's all time low. I just take an extra bathroom break if I need to regroup.
Until next time,
Michelle
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