As I sit inside and look out the window I see my neighbour so proudly marching across his lawn as he sets up his Halloween decorations. A huge smile smeared across his face. My heart is heavy today. This past week has brought several pieces of bad news but last nights news came out of nowhere and I am incredibly sad. Our cousin's boyfriend passed away yesterday in a work related accident. That's about all we know. It's incredibly hard to process and I am just plain old sad.
Also an update on my other cousin's little guy. Apparently his lungs are starting to adapt to his failing heart which is bad news when it comes to a new heart. I pray that his lungs don't adapt because if they do a new heart will not work for him because of the pressure it would have behind it. It's an incredibly hard prayer to pray but I still pray for a new heart for Miles. Here is a link to his facebook group if you feel inclined to support emotionally/financially to this amazing family. https://www.facebook.com/groups/154631931368209/
Another set of bad news is that my friends' parents are most likely going to be getting divorced. It's not been said out loud yet but apparently it's coming. This said friend is the same age I was when my parents were going through their stuff so I really relate to her and I know how hard it is to watch your parents go through that and the confusion it brings on.
I know this is not a very uplifting post. I wish it was. There is a lot of good going on at the same time, but I feel it's important to acknowledge and process and feel the bad. It all doesn't make sense right now. I sometimes wonder, where is God in all this? But I know he's here and he sees and he knows and he has a big picture laid out in front of him. Last year I lost a good friend in a motorcycle accident and it was something her husband said that made me smile, he said he had a dream about her and when he asked her "Does it make sense, is there a reason for this" she said, "yes, it makes sense, there's a reason for it, I don't remember why right now but know it is for the best." Dreams are powerful.
I wish I had something insightful to say, something to ease the pain for the people who surround me. It breaks my heart to see people broken. Dagnabit, here come the tears again. Next time, a happy update, I promise.
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Monday, October 07, 2013
Momma Guilt
So today Kiwi decided not to have a nap. This made him so over tired. He was a little rascal getting into everything, and I mean EVERYTHING. He was pulling DVD's out of the cupboard and not only that but opening the case and pulling the actual dvd out of the case. Ahh! He was going into the hall closet and showed me all the things that I need to put onto a higher shelf (that will be tomorrow's job). He climbed into the dishwasher as I was unloading it and started to pull out the dirty dishes and lick them as I loaded it with tonights dinner dishes.
I tried getting him to stay up until his normal bedtime but by the time 6:30 came he was already starting to unravel. He normally goes to bed around 8 or 8:30. Tonight as I rocked him to sleep he was all over the place, talking about the animals on the wall, getting distracted by the light in the hallway, to talking about the excercise ball. I figured out that he wanted me to bounce him on the ball. (This is his favourite way to be rocked to sleep). I have to honestly say my patience level had dwindled and I was tired and I was grumpy and I felt incredibly guilty because I was incredibly frustrated. Then I started singing. I sang whatever came to my mind, I sang how I wished he would just snuggle in and go to sleep. And I kid you not, it wasn't even a minute and he was asleep. I continued to sing and bounce and rock for another 10 minutes because I wanted to make sure he was good and down. Whew, as I walked out of his room I looked at the clock, 7:15 on the dot. I was shocked. I decided to come downstairs for some downtime. About 20 minutes later, he's crying. So I drag myself back upstairs and rock and sing for another 10 minutes. He just needed a cuddle, who knows what woke him. I come back downstairs, this time with a hot chocolate in hand. I settle in and start to watch "Modern Family" 15 minutes goes by and he starts to cry again. This time I wait, it sounds like the "turning over" cry. It was and he promptly soothes himself back to sleep. I sigh a sigh of relief. Another 20 minutes goes by and he's suddenly crying like crazy. I realize the answering machine is going off. Someone has phoned and I missed answering it and it woke him up. Grr.
I think it was just a long day and then B went out for the evening, which was totally ok because it was a special thing to go to and he was super pumped about it. I am just tired and I feel guilty for being frustrated and tired. I know it's motherhood and I love being a mom. Not for a moment would I change that. I had a day of frustration and I think that's normal?
We had such a fun day, it was just the later afternoon into the evening that took a turn. Hopefully tomorrow we go back to our normal schedule.
Till next time
Michelle
I tried getting him to stay up until his normal bedtime but by the time 6:30 came he was already starting to unravel. He normally goes to bed around 8 or 8:30. Tonight as I rocked him to sleep he was all over the place, talking about the animals on the wall, getting distracted by the light in the hallway, to talking about the excercise ball. I figured out that he wanted me to bounce him on the ball. (This is his favourite way to be rocked to sleep). I have to honestly say my patience level had dwindled and I was tired and I was grumpy and I felt incredibly guilty because I was incredibly frustrated. Then I started singing. I sang whatever came to my mind, I sang how I wished he would just snuggle in and go to sleep. And I kid you not, it wasn't even a minute and he was asleep. I continued to sing and bounce and rock for another 10 minutes because I wanted to make sure he was good and down. Whew, as I walked out of his room I looked at the clock, 7:15 on the dot. I was shocked. I decided to come downstairs for some downtime. About 20 minutes later, he's crying. So I drag myself back upstairs and rock and sing for another 10 minutes. He just needed a cuddle, who knows what woke him. I come back downstairs, this time with a hot chocolate in hand. I settle in and start to watch "Modern Family" 15 minutes goes by and he starts to cry again. This time I wait, it sounds like the "turning over" cry. It was and he promptly soothes himself back to sleep. I sigh a sigh of relief. Another 20 minutes goes by and he's suddenly crying like crazy. I realize the answering machine is going off. Someone has phoned and I missed answering it and it woke him up. Grr.
I think it was just a long day and then B went out for the evening, which was totally ok because it was a special thing to go to and he was super pumped about it. I am just tired and I feel guilty for being frustrated and tired. I know it's motherhood and I love being a mom. Not for a moment would I change that. I had a day of frustration and I think that's normal?
We had such a fun day, it was just the later afternoon into the evening that took a turn. Hopefully tomorrow we go back to our normal schedule.
Till next time
Michelle
Funny Little Lad
Kiwi is having a hilarious day! H I L A R I O U S! (My sister will appreciate that). First thing this morning as I was doing my hair he came up to me and said, "Bum" and pointed to his diaper. He's been doing this for about 2 weeks now letting me know when he's gone and needs to be changed. I said ok I'll be there in just a moment I just need to clip my hair clip. I guess I wasn't fast enough because in that time he had gone to his room, pulled out a new diaper (out of the box) and brought it back to me.
After changing him I went back to my room to finish getting ready for the day. He had gone into the closet which is normal for him and I didn't think much of it. B called me over to the closet and said, "I think he's gone to Narnia". I came over to see and he was behind the clothes and you could see where he was only by the movement of the clothing. Then all of a sudden the movement stopped and out peaked kiwi and he gave a big smile and said, "Hi!" Both B and I laughed and as we did Kiwi raised his one shoulder to his cheek and gave a shy scrunchy smile. Again B and I laughed. He's such a character.
A little later in the morning I told Kiwi that it was time to go grocery shopping. I bent down to get our grocery bags out of the cupboard and when I stood up there was Kiwi pressed up against the hallway wall. Both his arms were stretched out as far as they could go in opposite directions and he was sliding/side stepping down the hallway as if he were trying to sneak away. I just laughed. What a nut!
While we were grocery shopping Kiwi decided to express himself in loud growling noises. Instead of discouraging this I encouraged it and played along. As we were approaching the cheese section an older gentleman started to laugh. I told him that I wasn't going to discourage it and he said, why would you, he's happy. :) We ran into a long time family friend while we were there, we chatted for a bit. I continued to run into her several more times during our shopping trip. The last time we ran into each other right by the bakery. Kiwi was zoned into the bakers corner. He knows that at the end of our shopping trip we stop there and he gets a cookie. He would not break his stare for anything. Then he started to make the sign for cookie and away we went.
When we got home I put the box of baby wipes by the table and went to unload the groceries. When I was done I walked over and there was Kiwi, standing on top of the wipes box with a measuring tape. It kind of shocked me. So what did I do? I didn't take him off right away, instead I grabbed my phone and took a picture of the little monkey.
Now the little turkey is refusing to have a nap, so tonight might just be an early bed time for my wee lad.
After changing him I went back to my room to finish getting ready for the day. He had gone into the closet which is normal for him and I didn't think much of it. B called me over to the closet and said, "I think he's gone to Narnia". I came over to see and he was behind the clothes and you could see where he was only by the movement of the clothing. Then all of a sudden the movement stopped and out peaked kiwi and he gave a big smile and said, "Hi!" Both B and I laughed and as we did Kiwi raised his one shoulder to his cheek and gave a shy scrunchy smile. Again B and I laughed. He's such a character.
A little later in the morning I told Kiwi that it was time to go grocery shopping. I bent down to get our grocery bags out of the cupboard and when I stood up there was Kiwi pressed up against the hallway wall. Both his arms were stretched out as far as they could go in opposite directions and he was sliding/side stepping down the hallway as if he were trying to sneak away. I just laughed. What a nut!
While we were grocery shopping Kiwi decided to express himself in loud growling noises. Instead of discouraging this I encouraged it and played along. As we were approaching the cheese section an older gentleman started to laugh. I told him that I wasn't going to discourage it and he said, why would you, he's happy. :) We ran into a long time family friend while we were there, we chatted for a bit. I continued to run into her several more times during our shopping trip. The last time we ran into each other right by the bakery. Kiwi was zoned into the bakers corner. He knows that at the end of our shopping trip we stop there and he gets a cookie. He would not break his stare for anything. Then he started to make the sign for cookie and away we went.
When we got home I put the box of baby wipes by the table and went to unload the groceries. When I was done I walked over and there was Kiwi, standing on top of the wipes box with a measuring tape. It kind of shocked me. So what did I do? I didn't take him off right away, instead I grabbed my phone and took a picture of the little monkey.
Now the little turkey is refusing to have a nap, so tonight might just be an early bed time for my wee lad.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Crazy train = mood swing central
Hey, so I have noticed lately that I seem to get grumpy easily. Then I remembered that I am now on hormone stuff to help produce baby number 2. Therefore the moodswings are right on schedule. Once I remembered this I was a little bit relieved because I was genuinely confused as to why I was so irritable. Not that I use this as an excuse, I believe you choose your attitude. It just helps my mind know that there are other factors to consider these days. Officially back on the crazy train.
For an example of this mood-swinging-ness I was at the grocery store today with Kiwi. We were minding our own business looking at the bread on the discount rack when a lady suddenly started, not yelling, but talking loudly and sternly at me. I was caught off guard and didn't even see her coming. She was mad because she said that she almost ran right into me because she was booking it. Ok, 1. I was standing still, 2. she was booking it and almost ran into me, when and how did this become my fault?? I pulled my cart back an inch and she carried on her hurried way (to the washroom). As she went passed I muttered under my breath, "then maybe you should slow down". I just don't get why I got scolded.
Another example, yesterday at church....oy. I was talking to my second cousin when a lady came up and said, "I don't mean to interrupt, but..." I replied, "yes you do". Brenton said this made me socially awkward. Whatever. I guess a little back story needs to be put in here, this particular lady interrupts me quite regularly, therefore I thought it was ok to bring it to her attention. Was this done tactfully, no, it wasn't. Was it humourous (we all laughed so I'm guessing so). Did it get the point across, yes. Did it make a difference? Nope, she interrupted me again shortly after. Was I grumpy after this? Yes. Also as soon as you say "I don't mean to" - but still do then yes you do mean to do it. Another thing, the word "but", erases everything that was previously said in my opinion. It's like when someone apologizes and then follows it with a but - creating an excuse. You're either sorry or you're not. Ahh. (Again with the mood swings.) I know this isn't a big deal, I really do. But for whatever reason I can't seem to let it go.
I have a house I need to clean. I will harness this negative energy and clean with it. I don't know why but I enjoy cleaning when I'm angry. Anybody else do the same?
Michelle
For an example of this mood-swinging-ness I was at the grocery store today with Kiwi. We were minding our own business looking at the bread on the discount rack when a lady suddenly started, not yelling, but talking loudly and sternly at me. I was caught off guard and didn't even see her coming. She was mad because she said that she almost ran right into me because she was booking it. Ok, 1. I was standing still, 2. she was booking it and almost ran into me, when and how did this become my fault?? I pulled my cart back an inch and she carried on her hurried way (to the washroom). As she went passed I muttered under my breath, "then maybe you should slow down". I just don't get why I got scolded.
Another example, yesterday at church....oy. I was talking to my second cousin when a lady came up and said, "I don't mean to interrupt, but..." I replied, "yes you do". Brenton said this made me socially awkward. Whatever. I guess a little back story needs to be put in here, this particular lady interrupts me quite regularly, therefore I thought it was ok to bring it to her attention. Was this done tactfully, no, it wasn't. Was it humourous (we all laughed so I'm guessing so). Did it get the point across, yes. Did it make a difference? Nope, she interrupted me again shortly after. Was I grumpy after this? Yes. Also as soon as you say "I don't mean to" - but still do then yes you do mean to do it. Another thing, the word "but", erases everything that was previously said in my opinion. It's like when someone apologizes and then follows it with a but - creating an excuse. You're either sorry or you're not. Ahh. (Again with the mood swings.) I know this isn't a big deal, I really do. But for whatever reason I can't seem to let it go.
I have a house I need to clean. I will harness this negative energy and clean with it. I don't know why but I enjoy cleaning when I'm angry. Anybody else do the same?
Michelle
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Mod Podge of what's in my head
Did you notice the new decor on the blog? I decided that since it's fall now I shall embrace it and put leaves on my blog, yes leaves! Don't worry these ones don't get wet and soggy and stick to your shoe, they're the pretty ones that you can just look at and enjoy - so you're welcome.
I am procrastinating once again, but this time from something I enjoy. I know I don't get it either. It's baking day and I need to bake some chocolate chip cookies. Not hard, I know. So why am I procrastinating, I have no clue. I have my favourite baking moving plugged in and all I have to do is hit play and away I'll go. I think it's because I just had some lunch and so now I'm letting it sit, you're not suppose to bake until 30 mins after eating right? So then I have another 20mins to kill. I don't think I'll wait that long. Just another 5 or so. I also have a to do list once Kiwi is awake. We have some errands to do. After being cooped up for the last couple of days I am excited to get out and venture into the world of errands. (I've been down with a cold). And I'm afraid to say that my cold resembled a man cold. I was pure pathetic for a couple of days where standing up was not a fun place to be. Now I just have the lingering sniffles and raw nose (from blowing it so much). That I can deal with.
This coming weekend I have a fall festival I am going to. I will be setting up my second ever table with some treats and home made kid items. Aprons and baby wraps. It should be fun. We'll see how it goes as it's held outside and it'sa freezer outside been super cold out lately so I am not really looking forward to that part of it. Hopefully summer decides to make a brief return for that day. A girl can hope right? I guess I should remember to pack my gloves. Dagnabit.
My hands are super sensitive to cold since I've had frost bite on both of them, thank you Manitoba. So I am usually the crazy person who is wearing gloves extremely early in the season, where most people would say, it's not that cold?! Alas, if I don't my hands change funky colours (they look really dirty) and they start to lose feeling. So to keep my hands, I will ever be the crazy girl with gloves on in October.
This has been fun. But I now can hear the oven calling my name and it's time to embark on some baking fun. Julie and Julia by my side here we go.
Love ya
Michelle
I am procrastinating once again, but this time from something I enjoy. I know I don't get it either. It's baking day and I need to bake some chocolate chip cookies. Not hard, I know. So why am I procrastinating, I have no clue. I have my favourite baking moving plugged in and all I have to do is hit play and away I'll go. I think it's because I just had some lunch and so now I'm letting it sit, you're not suppose to bake until 30 mins after eating right? So then I have another 20mins to kill. I don't think I'll wait that long. Just another 5 or so. I also have a to do list once Kiwi is awake. We have some errands to do. After being cooped up for the last couple of days I am excited to get out and venture into the world of errands. (I've been down with a cold). And I'm afraid to say that my cold resembled a man cold. I was pure pathetic for a couple of days where standing up was not a fun place to be. Now I just have the lingering sniffles and raw nose (from blowing it so much). That I can deal with.
This coming weekend I have a fall festival I am going to. I will be setting up my second ever table with some treats and home made kid items. Aprons and baby wraps. It should be fun. We'll see how it goes as it's held outside and it's
My hands are super sensitive to cold since I've had frost bite on both of them, thank you Manitoba. So I am usually the crazy person who is wearing gloves extremely early in the season, where most people would say, it's not that cold?! Alas, if I don't my hands change funky colours (they look really dirty) and they start to lose feeling. So to keep my hands, I will ever be the crazy girl with gloves on in October.
This has been fun. But I now can hear the oven calling my name and it's time to embark on some baking fun. Julie and Julia by my side here we go.
Love ya
Michelle
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Going back in time: Kiwi's Birthday party
Hi blogging world. I am in fact still alive. I have been busy this summer and therefore no blog updates. I am in fact procrastinating from my to do list for today even though it's a fun to do list. Go figure. I am in the process of redoing a kids table. I have primed it and started painting. The colours are fun for a kids playroom and I am excited for the finished product, once it's complete I will add pictures and you can see for yourself if you approve or not. If you don't, just think, you don't have to live with it.
I guess I never did say anything about Kiwi's birthday party on here. Wow that was 3 months ago already. He's such a talkative little fella now. He's also very exploratory. I love to watch him discover things. He's so funny. Yesterday he kept practicing making funny faces. He would wink or drop his jaw open like he was surprised and make a huge smile afterwards. When he winks it almost appears like he's in pain. It's so funny!!
Kiwi had a jungle themed birthday party and it turned out really cute. It took a lot of time to set up but I think the end product was super cute. I am biased though so what do I know. I made a kids table with a table cloth, each kid had their own animal mask. We started the party with a craft. Painting an animal sun catcher. After that was done we played a game of duck duck goose. Then we had some lunch. I had renamed the food into jungle themed names. We had noodle salad: Hankuna ma pasta, Potato salad: Grub Salt and vinager chips: Alligator flakes, Ketchup chips: Crocodile Teeth, Hamburgers: Hyena cakes, Hot dogs: Hot snakes, Cheetos: Cheeta treats, Veggies and dip: Hungry Hippo dip, Animal crackers: animal crackers, Fruit skewers: Giraffe legs, Banana chips: monkey chips. We also had beverages, we had two types of juice: Jungle juice, water: The water hole and pop: swamp scum. It was fun coming up with the names although this took me the longest out of all preparations, haha. My creative juice had run out by the time I thought it would be clever to come up with names for everything. After we had our lunch I brought out Kiwi's smash cake. I had made a chocolate bear cake for him to go crazy on. He did rip off the ear but he was much to gentle. Not much of a mess was made. Then I brought out the birthday cake. I had made each of the kids their own special cupcake (Kiwi destroyed that and ended up having to have a bath afterwards before the party could continue). We sang happy Birthday and then we divided the other cake up for the adults to partake in the cake eating as well. After cake I gave Kiwi a quick bath and then we came back down and opened presents. After the presents were opened we set up the pinata and the kids had a blast trying to bust it open. It was so much fun to watch! That was the end of the party. It was a lot of work, but a lot of fun! I am already planning on next years party. I already have the theme picked out. Should be fun! Here are some photos from W's 1st Birthday.
I guess I never did say anything about Kiwi's birthday party on here. Wow that was 3 months ago already. He's such a talkative little fella now. He's also very exploratory. I love to watch him discover things. He's so funny. Yesterday he kept practicing making funny faces. He would wink or drop his jaw open like he was surprised and make a huge smile afterwards. When he winks it almost appears like he's in pain. It's so funny!!
Kiwi had a jungle themed birthday party and it turned out really cute. It took a lot of time to set up but I think the end product was super cute. I am biased though so what do I know. I made a kids table with a table cloth, each kid had their own animal mask. We started the party with a craft. Painting an animal sun catcher. After that was done we played a game of duck duck goose. Then we had some lunch. I had renamed the food into jungle themed names. We had noodle salad: Hankuna ma pasta, Potato salad: Grub Salt and vinager chips: Alligator flakes, Ketchup chips: Crocodile Teeth, Hamburgers: Hyena cakes, Hot dogs: Hot snakes, Cheetos: Cheeta treats, Veggies and dip: Hungry Hippo dip, Animal crackers: animal crackers, Fruit skewers: Giraffe legs, Banana chips: monkey chips. We also had beverages, we had two types of juice: Jungle juice, water: The water hole and pop: swamp scum. It was fun coming up with the names although this took me the longest out of all preparations, haha. My creative juice had run out by the time I thought it would be clever to come up with names for everything. After we had our lunch I brought out Kiwi's smash cake. I had made a chocolate bear cake for him to go crazy on. He did rip off the ear but he was much to gentle. Not much of a mess was made. Then I brought out the birthday cake. I had made each of the kids their own special cupcake (Kiwi destroyed that and ended up having to have a bath afterwards before the party could continue). We sang happy Birthday and then we divided the other cake up for the adults to partake in the cake eating as well. After cake I gave Kiwi a quick bath and then we came back down and opened presents. After the presents were opened we set up the pinata and the kids had a blast trying to bust it open. It was so much fun to watch! That was the end of the party. It was a lot of work, but a lot of fun! I am already planning on next years party. I already have the theme picked out. Should be fun! Here are some photos from W's 1st Birthday.
 |
| Table with the fixings and grub. The balloons are suppose to make it look like a tree above the table. |
 |
| Every month since Kiwi was born I took a picture of him with this bear and then I displayed all 12 photos above the bear for the party. |
 |
| Between activities the kids had free play time - the train table was a hit |
 |
| Smash cake time |
 |
| Giraffe cake |
 |
| Kids eating their special animal cupcakes while we sang Happy Birthday to Kiwi |
 |
| Eating his cupcake, more like smashing it. |
 |
| Opening presents |
 |
| Kiwi's turn to hit the Lion piñata |
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Heavy Heart
My cousin's little guy is struggling for life. He needs a heart transplant and while I prayed for him this evening it really hit me, what I'm praying for. It's such a heavy prayer. Because as you pray for a heart to become available you're praying for another parent's worst nightmare to become a reality.
How is it even comprehensible for a family to make that choice in that time, to donate their babies organs so other's babies can live. To wish that their baby could have had the chance that their baby is giving to others. To say it's heart wrenching is an understatement to the extreme.
I wish the big picture could be seen. What is the plan here? What's the purpose? I know that my cousin and his wife's faith has been shone on and it is stronger than ever. This whole experience has brought a community together. I just don't understand, and I probably never will.
I continue to pray for a heart for him, please will you too??
with a heavy heart.
Michelle
How is it even comprehensible for a family to make that choice in that time, to donate their babies organs so other's babies can live. To wish that their baby could have had the chance that their baby is giving to others. To say it's heart wrenching is an understatement to the extreme.
I wish the big picture could be seen. What is the plan here? What's the purpose? I know that my cousin and his wife's faith has been shone on and it is stronger than ever. This whole experience has brought a community together. I just don't understand, and I probably never will.
I continue to pray for a heart for him, please will you too??
with a heavy heart.
Michelle
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)